Now I wasn't born and raised in the south so my outlook on southern life and food may be a little twisted compared to the native southerner. However, I could never understand for the life of me why someone would want to eat somebody else's feet! I don't care where you're from. You don't eat or suck on someone's feet. Let alone some pig feet(s)!
A jar of "Pigs Feet" leads me to the reason I'm writing this bizarre post tonight. You see, earlier today I was reflecting on my youth and remembered a moment in my life that I've tried to block out for many years! Yes, this moment changed everything I thought about beautiful women forever. It was and still is a very devastating chapter in the life of Jahah.
Okay, it all started on a gloomy day in Baumholder, Germany circa 1992-93. I'd been working at the commissary (the grocery store) on post as a bagger to earn a few extra dollars and had a crush on a cashier who was in her early twenties. I don't remember the cashiers name but I'll call her Sexy Mama for the sake of this post. Maybe just SM cause I will get tired of typing Sexy Mama quickly!
Anyhow, SM was super hot and had a cinnamon complexion that was flawless. Her hair was "real" and touched just below her shoulder's. I remember how dark and wavy her locks were and I use to get caught up in her eye's because they were light brown with an almond shape. The way she'd look at me let me know (at least in my mind) that she wanted a piece of the "stud" known as Jason. In retrospect, SM wasn't thinking about my little ass at all but you couldn't tell me that. As far as I was concerned I was the little high school dude she yearned for. She needed me! I needed her...
Well, I needed her until that very day when I was returning from unloading a customer's groceries and saw SM eating "Pickled Pigs Feet" while ringing someone up! You see, I always made sure I bagged groceries at SM's register because that was my opportunity to flirt and win her over. As I came closer to her register I noticed that she was eating something. I didn't pay it much attention at first and then I saw the jar and read what it said, "PICKLED PIGS FEET"! Oh lawd! What in the hizz-ell is this I'm seeing?! Not my baby SM eating Pickled Pigs Feet! God tell me it isn't so! Why God?! Tell me why?
Not only was she eating somebodies feet, she was ringing customer's up while doing so! This set me back and blew my mind. I was shook! My love for her was fading faster than a two minute brotha'! I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. It baffled me in more ways than one can understand. I thought to myself, "I'll never look at SM the same way again...She's destroyed my thoughts of what a beautiful woman will put in her mouth...She's a pork foot head". OH DAMN! For real - for real...I was buggin' out man!
Needless to say, my relationship with SM ended on that gloomy day in Baumholder, Germany. I went on to bag groceries for other cashiers and never looked back. Maybe it was time I moved on anyway (at least that's what I kept telling myself). I knew I could never fall in love and spend my life with a "Pickled Pig Feet Eater". These "PPFE" women are not my type of hype. I can't and won't do it. I don't ever wanna' look in my frig' and see a jar of Pickled Pigs Feet. I couldn't live with someone's feet in my frig'! I'm horrified just thinking about it. It scares me to death! Wow!
So the moral to my story (if there even is one) is: Fellas, make sure you ask the woman you're interested in if she likes pork. If she does, ask her if she likes or would ever be into trying Pickled Pigs Feet. If she answers yes...get her the heck out of there playa! Cut her off! Hop out the vehicle! Run as fast as you can or tell her to kick rocks...unless you like Pickled Pigs Feet yourself.
BTW, I have nothing against people who eat pork. Just don't bring Pickled Pigs Feet around ya' boy!
God bless!
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